Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
