i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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