Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
