i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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