Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I stole a fireplace last night.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
