I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
