There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
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