I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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