honey bunches of taint.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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