Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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