This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
