The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
