i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
