You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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