all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
