Sponge bath it is.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
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