I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize
