I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Randomize
