I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Randomize
