I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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