So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
