wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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