oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
