Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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