they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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