His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
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