now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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