I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
