Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
