I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
