dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
