I cannot find my penis.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
