the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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