Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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