Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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