I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
