Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
