Nicole vs. Life
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
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