I think I died a long time ago.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
