I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
