Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
