i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
