now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
