I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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