OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
