Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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