I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize