good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
