She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
