She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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