so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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