i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
After tacos, we're chasing women.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
