he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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