Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize