so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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