i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
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