oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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