love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
