yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
