Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
