I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Randomize
