she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Found your dick twin last night
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
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