Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
