How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
