I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
now i know why i became what i already was.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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