Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I've blown a few things in my day
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I just found puke in my bra..
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
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