So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
