Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
