I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Randomize
