3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
