Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
