I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Randomize
