Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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