he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
