He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I need a beard to bite.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
