ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
