you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
