YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
