Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
it glows. i had to have it.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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