So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Randomize
