Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
