Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize