he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
