I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
