M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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