I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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