I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
