I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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