eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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