I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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