Already got asked if we're dating
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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