My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
i believe in u and ur pee
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
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