Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
It's just like the Real World with babies
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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