i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Randomize
