We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
