I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
