Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
