I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
wakey wakey hands off snakey
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
