oh fat girl friday strikes again...
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize