whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
