I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
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