Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
