reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize