Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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