Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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