Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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